There's just too much negativity everywhere I look. I honestly cannot find anything positive in whatever has been and is happening. When does life get better? Or does it at least get better?
It's probably just my perspective. My state of mind. Of course, things aren't going well and I always have tend to find wrong in what I'd done and regret it later. Nevertheless, I used to be an optimist. At least I used to think so. I used to think everything happens for good, and things will get better. But as it turns out, I was probably wrong. Life doesn't get better. You gotta make it better.
I've always regretted of not making the most of my opportunities. But when I think of it, I couldn't probably have done better under the circumstances I'd been in. Well, there have been some opportunities that I'd missed out of some so-called morality or some 'misplaced sense of self-righteousness', but then that's probably the way I'm wired. I can't and actually don't complain about them.
I still try to stick to the 'everything happens for a reason' principle. I always try to think things will get straightened out. But sometimes the negativity is overwhelming. I feel like I'm on the verge of depression, from where there's probably no coming back to normal.
Some other time I find my responsibilities and limitations overwhelming. I'm probably in my last few years when I could have been with no responsibilities. But my family is already dependent on me, and I'm finding it real hard to make the ends meet. I have to get home early because my mother is alone in the house. I can't do whatever I want, and that's what I'd always wanted to do. I've always longed for freedom. Freedom to do what I want, with no one to care.
I can only think of one closing line: "Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa".
It's probably just my perspective. My state of mind. Of course, things aren't going well and I always have tend to find wrong in what I'd done and regret it later. Nevertheless, I used to be an optimist. At least I used to think so. I used to think everything happens for good, and things will get better. But as it turns out, I was probably wrong. Life doesn't get better. You gotta make it better.
I've always regretted of not making the most of my opportunities. But when I think of it, I couldn't probably have done better under the circumstances I'd been in. Well, there have been some opportunities that I'd missed out of some so-called morality or some 'misplaced sense of self-righteousness', but then that's probably the way I'm wired. I can't and actually don't complain about them.
I still try to stick to the 'everything happens for a reason' principle. I always try to think things will get straightened out. But sometimes the negativity is overwhelming. I feel like I'm on the verge of depression, from where there's probably no coming back to normal.
Some other time I find my responsibilities and limitations overwhelming. I'm probably in my last few years when I could have been with no responsibilities. But my family is already dependent on me, and I'm finding it real hard to make the ends meet. I have to get home early because my mother is alone in the house. I can't do whatever I want, and that's what I'd always wanted to do. I've always longed for freedom. Freedom to do what I want, with no one to care.
I can only think of one closing line: "Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa".
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